The ' Before ' Blog

I suppose that before I get too far ahead of myself, I should have a "before" blog.
This way, come time to write an "after" blog, I'll be able to really note the changes that have occured.

In this 'before' blog, I want to mention why I am trying to eliminate my KP. And, if you have read the other two blogs, you will already know the jist of how.

So what is my main reason for eliminating my KP? Why the rush now, rather than before?
Well, two things. One being Prom, the other being summer. I want to be able to wear Tshirt and shorts; and I know all of you can relate to that... I want to be able to breathe in the summer, and not die of heat exhaustion under long sleeved shirts and long capris or pants. I want to be able to feel the sun on my skin, or lie down and tan... and not have to worry about who can see me.

But even more than that?
I just want to be healthy. I want to not feel so tired all the time. I want to be able to have that sharp focus back, to get rid of this horrible brain fog. I want to not have to depend on coffee or sugar to be alert and fully functioning. I want to have a steady and restorative sleep cycle. I want to regulate my hormones and end random mood swings of irritability, loneliness or anxiety. I want to be the best that I can be, have the most energy that I can have, go farther and for longer than before. I want the years of my youth, and the coming years of my prime, to be just that. I don't want to feel like I'm 40 at the age of 17. I don't want to feel like the age of 50 at 25. I want self esteem and confidence. It's there, but always held back. I don't want people to comment on my "bad sunburn" in the middle of February. I want to enjoy being a young woman, and not be ashamed of myself.

That is why I want to heal myself. I've been healing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, but I want to heal myself even further, by taking care of the physical aspect of my health.

My KP is extremely red, and extends down all of my arms and all of my legs - and most days, it makes me feel diseased. So diseased, that I can't stand to be touched by someone who loves me. So diseased, that I cancel plans with friends. That I stay home and cry.

I know something isn't right with my body, I know it's not achieving its full potential. So I want to give it the best care it can have. I want to repair the damage, achieve good health and maintain it... For a longer and happier life. That is what I want.